BAD Reads
Cliqueless
Anne Marie of A Mama's Rant had a piece on Rosalind Wiseman's new book on "mommy cliques". There's an excerpt from the book (Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads) in the April Parenting Magazine
Anne Marie wanted to know if we thought there were mommy cliques and where we fit in.
Well, I've read the piece, and I'm not even sure I qualify as an "outcast".
I'm a working mom. I didn't have time for "Mommy and Me'" classes, or any sort of mommy social life when SC was a baby or a toddler. Hell, I was too tired some weekends to do more than grocery shop and do the laundry. Social life? Hah!
But as soon as SC got into preschool, I spotted the clique.
These were the moms who gathered outside in their minivans after dropping off the kids. They were the moms who gathered in the playground watching the kids play after they picked them up at lunchtime.
Meanwhile, I dropped SC off in the morning and she stayed in the afternoon. The Man would pick her up at dinnertime...
The minivan moms ran the PTA. They volunteered in the classroom. They organized for teacher gifts and volunteered for field trips.
The Man and I wanted to help We tried to get involved in the PTA. But we were pretty much brushed off whenever we offered to help.
And then I tried to explain to the PTA president that some of our moms came from other countries and didn't get WHY we needed a PTA to raise money since they already paid tuition.Her retort was "Well, they'll just have to learn, won't they?"
After that, we stopped going to meetings or trying to do anything for the group. It was obvious THEY didn't need people like US!
We DID do things for the school. I came and did storytelling and puppet shows every year. I brought books to donate to the school library and gathered special materials for the teachers if they asked me to.
Every afternoon when he came to get SC, the Man would help clean up in the classroom, or out on the playground. He made paper airplanes and helicopters for the kids to fly and brought "found" art supplies and play items to the school.
JR is now in 1st grade, but she and the Man still occasionally go over there with stuff he's scrounged!
So we had a relationship with the school. And both SC and JR loved the school. But in general, they were not included in outside social activities.
Now at elementary school the same thing is going on. The minivan/SUV moms wait together for the kids, form a group, and if you are not part of that group, you are not going to get clued into most of what goes on in school, as happened last fall during "teacher appreciation week".
When I HAVE volunteered, I don't feel welcome. I feel that they treat me if I am as foreign to their ways as the English as a Second Language parents who seldom appear at such events because they are doing what I do--earning a living so that they can feed their kids. And I guess in a way, I am more part of that group than I am of the school clique.
So I have just given up trying to help at school. I'd like to. The PTA does great things for the school--I appreciate what they do. But they want to keep their club, so I am going to let them devote their time and energy to it and spend my time at home with my family!
It doesn't bug me in terms of myself. We are not in desperate need of a social life via the school. We have friends and family who matter, and that's enough social life for us. The Man and I have NEVER been social butterflies anyway.
What truly upsets me is that my being a total outcast from the mommy clique has effected my daughters. It's been happening to SC and now I see JR getting left out of the group far too often.
It's sad to think that the cliques women were supposed to have outgrown in high school are being resurrected as they become mothers.
But it's sadder still to see that their behavior is effecting their daughters. And other peoples daughters as well.
Really sad...................
